I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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