you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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