You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they're like a gay fantastic four
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
where are my eyebrows?
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