my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
