I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
