you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
