guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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