i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
