dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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