my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize