Screwed.edu
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
