Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just high enough for therapy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize