Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
