never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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