so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
