Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
