Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
