Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize