My liver just broke up with me...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
