Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize