if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
