dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is Oprah even human
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
