overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
