I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
