Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
