You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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