I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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