i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
