Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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