In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
this hospital has no fireball
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
