The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
