This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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