What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
