I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
