I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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