I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
