dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
