After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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