She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
