How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
