Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
