she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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