You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
