We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
