im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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