My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
