why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He uses pillows to masturbate.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
