i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize