At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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