Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
