she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
