I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
