she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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