i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
