I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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