Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
