You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
