wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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