her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
