I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
