I got chris browned last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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