she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
