I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pants are for mortals
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
