thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
