I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
