How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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