you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They took my balls.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
