that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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