I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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