Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
