Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
